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Jan. 1st, 2017 @ 12:16 pm Happy New Year
I'm still alone & it looks like I'll be in perpetuity. It's funny how sometimes you get your hopes up & then the same result happens but you're not feeling despair when they come crashing down as only mostly known that feeling.

So my sort of ex's twin sister moved back to Buffalo from Portland as she couldn't afford to live there anymore due to the rampant gentrification. We've been friends on facebook for 8 years or so & have always had some contact ect. Sell finally after messaging her dozens of times she finally agreed to come over and hang out while drinking a few beers. She came due to the fact that I had some Mikkeller Descendents beer (she's a huge fan) so I ordered pizza & we hung out.

Later that night I ended up "completing the set" which was really weird as it was like I've been with that person before (it took some thinking not to say the other twin's name) But it was good & a warm fuzzy feeling came over me.

Then over the next 3 weeks the same elusiveness & never wanting to get together happened, AKA me being thrown back to the back burner. We text last night trying to do something for NYE & she basically drops the "I may have a boyfriend" card.

So yeah I'm still not going to beg people to be with me or hangout. At least for 2017 I own my unattractiveness & not being in the top 10 or 20 percent of choices/options. Whatever.
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Spiritual Sarasota
Nov. 26th, 2016 @ 10:43 am Get on to the bus
So I'm going from 1st class to he city bus.

Yep I'm not paying $100+ dollars to use a private car service.
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Spiritual Sarasota
Nov. 26th, 2016 @ 05:24 am Flying back home
Thanksgiving fun is now over. I'm on my way back home to Buffalo. I'm in my cushy 1st class cabin but I'm not too blown away by the people. I'm very grateful but this trip has put me into a state of existentialism. A bunch of people have died since I've been down here. Even my airport ride (a guy from Rochester a true work friend) lost his father.

Our time is short & ive always appreciated being able to come here. I figure it may be 100+ times in my life? People may hate on me, but honestly they get laid way more then I usually wish for. I take the good with the bad in life. I've been surprisingly chill this trip. The fun part begins now they my new season starts at work. 3 weeks without a paycheck iis going To be annoying but I'll be ok.
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Spiritual Sarasota
Nov. 24th, 2016 @ 10:28 pm Happy Thanksgiving
So I stayed down here in Florida this year. I did it because I'm not sure how my time off will work with the whole world being messed up with the whole universe thrown in a state of flux.

I finally figured out where my dream bitchy girl (in actuality her parents) live from a crazy periscope series. It blew my mind one Labor Day when I was on the back deck of my cousin's place.

So I'm surround by rich happy families wrapping up Their thanksgiving holidays. We ended up going To a dysfunctional family up in the rougher part of the area. My mom was friends with the son's (50 yr old on disability) actually the whole family is the sister is on disability for mental issues & I live off of their father 80+ yr old pension. It's kind of a show but my mom was really good friends with their godmother and it for years.

I was going to go to the old-school dive bar but it's too smoky. So I Went to an upscale place to have a cocktail and just chill out around the corner on the patio while the wait staff tears down the place.

Current music 90's smashing pumpkins.
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Spiritual Sarasota
Nov. 16th, 2016 @ 09:53 pm Retro reliving
So I'm on a strip of road by the beach that I used to hang out on years ago. The bar/club/restaurant whatever closed & they built a condo at this kick ass establishment years ago.

So fast forward, I'm still kind of in the same place in life mentally. Yeah post death of my sister had me scared & shaking with regards to life. I'm kind of a meh thing. I play a big whatever on social media elsewhere. I don't know what else to do with regard to a career or whatever. At this point in life I'm actually afraid of women in the sense that I know if they are interested they are for the wrong reasons & that bad + only bad thing will come of it.

Life is changing fast & in some ways it passed me by. I'm trying to fix myself just to get together & functional.

So I did get to this place & hold a Canadian conversation with these people from Quebec. I explained how Donald Trump happened using Their separatist party as an anology. I don't think they liked it.

So I am just hanging out as they speak French amongst themselves.
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Spiritual Sarasota
Nov. 6th, 2016 @ 02:35 pm Seeeing what I'm missing out on
So if you have followed me here for years you know my severe shortcomings. Basically I'm not attractive in the evolutionary sense where one would project their worth to breed with & procreate. As years go by for the most part I depreciate & pulling off the BS that I do pretending to be more than I'm not gets harder.

I'm a believer in evolutionary biology/psychology. I'm not a fan of the way the world has been made safe (although that is all about to change soon in English speaking North America)

So I went out to this event at a very hyped brewery in the rich trendy part of Buffalo. I ended up confirming my beliefs in a brief time by observing some i met at another event. Knowing better is always good when that "let your guard down" voice gets overuled by reality.

Overall it still doesn't change the various facts that I'm not attractive & not good with women in the romantic sense. It would take a complete overall & a fundamental change in my mental makeup & independence.

At this post I'm just happy to see how the other half li percentage lives. Why I strike that out? Because it may be known that 20% of the attractive guys have 80% of the sex. Even here where dating is a woman's game, I'm shocked by the % of women out by themselves. Then again this is the exception not the rule. This is still at this time an island of "new urbanism" surrounded by working class poverty.

I didn't mean to solve the worlds problems but I'm here just observing as I'm trying to stay off of Facebook. Blogging/Journaling is so much more rewarding.

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Spiritual Sarasota
Nov. 3rd, 2016 @ 04:44 pm So sick of FB
Politics & I am totally questioning the reason for validation.

It's odd how some of the journaling traits carried over form here but I'm sick of being a Pavlov dog for likes.

Oh & people are Stupid.

Honestly I've felt more accomplished banging out entries reflecting on thing in my life than 1-2 lines & a check in.

Oh I'm stick of digitally sneering st people while I roll my eyes pretending & governing myself not to go off on their nonsense.

So anyway I'm just enjoying a beer at a FB event. At least that Is something they're good at (god knows LJ meetups were abject failures)

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Spiritual Sarasota
Oct. 19th, 2016 @ 01:48 pm Semi homeless
So I was walking around Elmwood this afternoon. I'm doing this given that I'm off of work at the moment & I wanted to be cool like the elite rich people who gentrified live here, get some exercise & get some sunshine.

So I'm waking during my first mile downtown & I stop to put my sneaker on a bench to toe my lace. Now there's some dude 's most likely homeless backpack & gear on one end. So I go to the opposite side & use the ledge. He comes running back, tells me off & says to go find another bench.

Now I'm thinking do I look like I'm a homeless dude? Yeah I'm not a wealth elite liberal in this hood but still in wearing all J.Crew & an Apple Watch. Do I really look that bad when in my furloughed underachiever mode?
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Spiritual Sarasota
Sep. 28th, 2016 @ 07:43 pm Thin Man
So I'm here for the brewery opening. I'm hanging with the cool crowd here in Buffalo. I can't believe also that I'm comfortable with taking a #2 here.

Other than that I'm hanging on to my whatever fantasy ideal self that I have & getting some solstice with much older people hanging out in here. Other than that here is my lulu jacket.

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Spiritual Sarasota
Sep. 18th, 2016 @ 05:11 pm It's been a while
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Spiritual Sarasota